“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.“
We started our journey together on the shaky ground of uncertainty and a fear of the unknown. However, along with that, there was a steely resolve to make it work; whatever be the hurdles. Our journey on the roller coaster of life taught invaluable lessons in constantly rebuilding relationships and overcoming challenges. As we look back at it, each incident in the journey is a gentle reminder of how we have grown and developed with each phase of our lives.
I am sharing some of the most vital lessons that I learnt through our journey together:
Respect Your Differences
Take a minute to think about your favorite food. Imagine if you had the same food at all three meals for a month, would you cherish it as much as you do right now? Definitely not. We, as humans, love change and variety. Therefore, the first lesson I learned was that the person you love would differ from you on various fronts. Accept that the other person has been brought up in a completely different environment as compared to you. Owing to it, their value patterns and habits would differ from yours. Accept and enjoy the differences of opinion as a healthy space to grow your own mindset.
Cherish your Personal Space and Time
Before marriage, you enjoyed certain hobbies that helped you unwind. Similarly, your partner too nurtured hobbies that help them unwind. Please continue to find time for pursuing your hobbies and allow quality time for your partner to do the same. ME TIME is vitally important for both you and your partner. At times, marriage and the changes associated with it are so humongous that you forget who you are and what you enjoy doing. Take out some me-time every day to focus on your personal growth and progress. This will ease out the stress of constant change and help you re-connect with yourself.
Use Wit to Dodge Tricky Situations
Disagreements are an important part of every healthy relationship. However, conveying your disagreement, at times, complicates the situation, since emotions may run high. In such circumstances, using wit can help you convey your point to your partner without hurting his/her sentiments.
Keep the Communication On
I have seen the strongest of relationships wither due to lack of communication. This is true across all formats of relationships. For example, between siblings, or between parents and children. When a relationship is new, we communicate in order to let the partner know how we feel. As the years pass by, we take our closest relations for granted. This is where a lack of communication seeps in. Communication is to a relationship what water is to a plant. Its lack gives space for the weeds of misunderstanding to grow. This may lead to a lack of trust between partners and negatively affect the relationship. My personal advice is that howsoever upset you may be with something that your partner said or did, sort it out by letting your point of view known. At the same time, actively listen to the other person’s point of view without judging.
Give Quality Time to Each Other
In the early years of our marriage, I used to observe our neighbors who spent a good half an hour of quality time each morning with each other on the terrace over a cup of tea. It was a routine they followed year after year, ensuring to use the quality time to revive the relationship. They ensured that the discussion during that time remained cordial and positive. I fell so much in love with the process that I incorporated it into my daily routine as well. It really helps in giving a beautiful start to the day.
Every relationship is unique. Every couple device their own ways to make things work. I have just shared my experiences and what worked for me. Whatever is the takeaway, always remember that assumptions are the termites of a relationship. Save your precious relationships. They are worth a lifetime.