Sushant was staring blankly at the lifeless face of his life partner of more than half a century. As she started her last journey from the house she had so meticulously made a home, his innermost core shouted in pain, “Where did I go wrong? Why her? Why not me?”
His life played in front of him like a movie.He could almost relive all his life at the moment. The earliest memories he had were a desperate attempt to find his worth and make people realize it. Unlike most millennial kids who are brought up as a single child or two correctly spaced siblings, he was the youngest of a lot of ten. In fact, his youngest nephew was a few months elder to him. Most people took him lightly because of his petite form and oversized spectacles. This resultantly increased his urge of proving his mettle to the world. Though he did not get his primary education from the best of schools, he got the lesson in the tender years that only education and hard work can earn him the respect he so longed for.
This decision changed the course of his life. He pursued his higher education in the US, a decision criticized to where he was given the ultimatum that if he went ahead with his decision, he would get nothing more from the family property. The passion to prove himself to the world, however, was so strong that he was ready to face all challenges life threw at him. That decision marked the beginning of the roller coaster life. Challenges of remaining a vegetarian in a land of primary meat-eaters, not having the fluency for the foreign language, or being lonely never once deterred his decision to show the world he is something.
What he forgot in the process was that love is not only to keep locked deep in the heart, but also to be communicated. Whether it was the love for the partner or children, he came across as a hard-shelled coconut, who hid his values and expression of love deep inside, just to ensure that nobody could ever hurt him again in his life. The unfriendly attitude became an integral part of his personality. As each one of us, who works in the autopilot mode, and is not even aware how it is shrouding us in the well of loneliness, Sushant did not have an inkling of an idea where he was going wrong. Even when he agreed with his partner, he would pretend to disagree, just to prove his point. The childhood lack of love and security devoid him from his expression of love, even to the most important people of his life.
When the loss of his partner shattered his cocoon, it was too late. He could not apologize to anyone. He just waited for his innings to end and waited to say sorry to the genuine love of his life one last time beyond the physical world.